This morning, while my daughter and I were waiting for the school bus, the conversation turned to what it was like in the hospital right after she was born. I told her about the New Mothers’ Class and how, at 39, I was easily the oldest mom there. Everyone else looked to be in their twenties, possibly early thirties. There was also a teenager, no older than 16, who looked bewildered by it all and more than a little scared by what was to come.
In the space of about 45 minutes, a nurse attempted to cover all the things we should expect from our newborns. She directed many of her comments to this girl, to reassure her in her new role.
Today, it occurred to me that the girl in the Newborn Class is now 26 and her son is ten years old, just like my daughter. This morning she probably got him up for school, made his lunch and kissed him good-bye, and sent him off to fifth grade.
When you think of teen-aged pregnancy, you think of teenagers with babies. You don’t think of what happens as the children and their moms grow up. And they do. I’ve always hoped this girl had the support of her family and community, that her son grew up in a safe and nurturing environment, that she managed to stay in school, maybe went on to college and got a good job to support herself and her son. And maybe she met a really nice guy along the way.
She’s no longer part of the Teen Aged Pregnancy problem. She’s all grown up with grown up problems. You could see her at Wal-Mart and not notice her. Just a mother and son out shopping.
I was part of the generation of teenaged girls who went against the mores of the day and decided to keep their babies. Up until then, when a girl got in trouble, the only way to keep her baby was to persuade her boyfriend to marry her. As you would expect, most of these marriages between sixteen and seventeen year olds didn’t last beyond the child’s first birthday, but at least the girls got to raise their own children. The alternative was to disappear to a home for unwed mothers, give the baby up for adoption and return home like nothing happened.
So is this working? There are thousands of grown men and women out there who were born to teenaged girls who decided to keep them. What sort of people did they become? Are they good citizens or hoodlums? Or some of both?
Perhaps the hardest thing to accept about having a baby is not all the earth shattering changes you have to deal with. It’s that discovery that they don’t stay babies. They turn into ten year olds and 17 year olds and finally adults with lives of their own. And it’s your job to see that they get there. I’m just hoping that 16 year old girl was up to the challenge.
Posted by judy5cents
at 9:45 PM EST
