WACKO JACKO NO LONGER TAKING FLACK-O

Mainstream Media was disappointed again. The cash cow they’ve been milking for at least a year now has finally gone dry. Whatever will E! Entertainment do without him?

Yes, Wacko Jacko was found not guilty on all charges-- the conspiracy charge, the molestation charge, even the giving alcohol to a minor charge. The networks carried the obligatory climactic scene where the verdict was announced and after that, nothing. The disappointment felt by every network “legal expert” was obvious. Even after they figured out whether it was Janet or LaToya going through the metal detector.

I’m sure they’d prepared lots of pithy remarks and well-informed speculations for a guilty verdict. There’s not much to say for innocent. “Well, Charlie, I guess Michael will go back to the Neverland Ranch and consider his options.”

One of those options, according to his lawyer, is to discontinue his practice of sleeping with young boys.

Excellent idea, Michael.

Although I did not follow it closely, I listened to the coverage of the trial on occasion. There wasn’t any irrefutable evidence against him, despite all those highly publicized police searches. It all boiled down to a he-said/he-said situation. The victim’s mother torpedoed the case for the prosecution. They didn’t stand a chance.

I am a bit disappointed that we won’t be getting those fascinating tidbits on how Michael’s getting along in jail, like we did with Martha Stewart. Maybe he would have directed an inmates’ talent show or taught them all how to moonwalk in the exercise yard.

I will also miss the jokes on the late night talk shows. I loved Conan O’Brian’s Triumph The Insult Comic puppet’s “coverage” of the fans outside. “You saw him come in his pajamas?” “Yes, he came in his pajamas.” For a while, a judge’s gag order prevented anyone involved in the case from discussing it in public, so Jay Leno, a witness for the prosecution, brought in substitutes to deliver the Michael Jackson jokes in his monologue.

Maybe now that it’s over, we can let Michael have the privacy he craves so much.

But where else are we going to find a washed-up, eccentric, ghoulish “King of Pop” who’s just so wonderfully weird?

He’ll be back.